Anonymous should run for president


Anonymous should run for president. Really! And I’d vote for them!

Just think about it. So far they’ve proven to be able to handle issues on the global scale 100 times quicker than politicians and at 0.0001% of the cost. They don’t spend time bullshitting with political parties. They don’t care about views. They don’t care if they get re-elected. They just make quick decisions and execute.

Just think about what the US would look like if Anonymous was the president.

Defense. This is easy. We don’t need two million soldiers and a $600 billion budget. All we need is a couple of 16-year old anonymous hackers. Need to attack another country? Easy! Just ask your 16-year old soldiers to shut down that country’s power grid. It will take them 15 minutes from the comfort of their homes. That country will surrender immediately. Oh, and while we are on the subject of saving $600 billion by not having a military, this approach will also help us balance the federal budget.

Foreign policy. Again, use your 16-year olds. Want to influence your counterpart in Syria? Just ask hackers to break into his email. Want to stop Iran from enriching uranium? Well, you can have a lot of fun here! For starters, you can publicly post a conversation between Iranian and Russian president where they discuss how Iran will actually borrow this technology from Russia. And no, you don’t need CIA spies or Navy SEALs to get that data. Just use your 16-year olds.

Treasury. One can easily increase federal revenue while reducing taxes. How? Easy! Launch a new show on comedy central and broadcast Belarussian politics. Your 16-year olds can help you get the content. Although you don’t have to go far. US Congress can provide some great content for the show too.

Justice. Want to improve the US corrections system while reducing costs? Ask Zuckerberg for help. You can simply punish people by shutting down their Facebook accounts. This is equivalent to a death penalty for most people.

I am sure they can do more. Anyone wants to vote for Anonymous?

2 comments

  1. Anonymous

    You do realize that Anonymous isn’t all pro-American, right?

    • Yes, but that wasn’t the point. I was trying to (1) be humorous and (2) show that their approach to problem solving is usually far more effective than the traditional approach.

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